Cup of Joe

 Longfellow said, “We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we’ve already done.”  One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in my life is the importance of being “undeniable.”       My father introduced this concept to me when I was in the seventh grade.  I was playing in an intramural softball game and, in a very close play, was called out at second base by the umpire. I thought I was safe and let the umpire know it.  My dad, who was watching the game, didn’t like seeing his son argue with an umpire — no matter how briefly.      

      DURING THE drive home, I complained about how the umpire was “blind” and how I should have been called safe.  My dad, very calmly and deliberately, interrupted, “You didn’t deserve it.”   I have to admit I was more than a bit upset that my own father seemed to be taking the side of the ump.  I said, “What do you mean I didn’t deserve it.  I was safe and he called me out.  I was right and he was wrong.”   “That may be,” my father replied, “but if it was that close, you didn’t deserve it.  Next time, make sure there’s no doubt.  Then you won’t have to worry about the umpire’s opinion — or his eyesight.       

     ALTHOUGH I didn’t quite appreciate the power and scope of my dad’s lesson at the time, it has since impacted nearly every aspect of my life. Whenever I find myself challenged by a lack of appreciation or understanding from others, I ask myself, “Do I deserve it?  Am I being undeniable?”   Take a moment to think about yourself at work, with your friends and in your home life.  Are you being undeniable?  Are you so courteous, respectful, intelligent, patient, competent, caring and loving that you can’t be denied?  How often do you feel that others are “blind” to your efforts, your achievements or your “wisdom?”           

    AS WORKERS, bosses, employees, parents and family members, our success or happiness in many ways reflects how undeniable we are to others.  “Undeniable caring” can only be recognized as love and compassion; and more often than not will be reciprocated.   “Undeniable communication” is clear and concise; and more often than not will eliminate misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations.  To be undeniable we must be consistent.  We can’t be our “best” only when it’s “easy” or “convenient.”  To be undeniable we must be outstanding.  It is impossible for a person to be outstanding,  and  go “unnoticed.”  

          TO BE undeniable is to be clear. We can’t be ambiguous. Ambiguity is the father of misunderstanding.  Think about it.  Aren’t the truly “customer focused” companies the ones that don’t need to spend millions on advertising just to tell us that they are customer focused?   Aren’t the employees who truly work for the company rather than just at the company the ones who get noticed and appreciated more by their employers and fellow employees?  Aren’t the people in your life who show you they love you and care about you the ones you love and appreciate the most?   When we’re truly undeniable, it’s difficult for others to misinterpret, misunderstand or mistreat us.  As I look back on that childhood baseball game, I’m glad I was called out at second base.  Although my dad is no longer with us, thinking back, I’m even more glad that I had a father whose love for me has always been undeniable.

As a keynote speaker during the 19^th annual 2008 CASE Conference, Joe was asked to contribute a feature article for the newsletter for the Council of Administrators of Special Education, CASE, a division of the Council for Exceptional Children, published bi-monthly.

Leading in an Out of Control World,  by Joe Caruso

A lot is asked of the CASE professional. It’s difficult enough to try to properly function in the dysfunctional and out of control environment that special education professionals deal with every day. Now CASE is asking you to lead as well?!

How does one lead a process that they don’t control? Further, how can one lead disparate individuals in micro-communities with varying and various agendas? Not to mention that there is no “leadership” line item on your already stretched too thin budget.

The fact is that we all live in a world that is out of our control. In my most recent book, “The Power of Losing Control,” I point out that we can divide the world we experience into two types of worlds—our primary world and our secondary world. Each of us exists alone in our primary world and everyone else lives in our secondary world. The distinction between these two worlds is based on one simple fact.  We have no control over anyone in the secondary world. Zip. Zero. Zilch. (And any other word that starts with a Z that denotes zero.)

This is not a pleasant thought for most people, yet the fact that we don’t like it doesn’t make it any less true. Sometimes we want to believe we can control our kids or our spouses, our partners or our friends– at least to some level, but we can’t. It’s absolutely impossible. And there is a very simple reason we can’t.

The concept of control is an all or nothing concept. We can’t be in control of something or someone unless we are in complete control. While some of us might find it somewhat seductive to believe that we can partially control this or that, we are deceiving ourselves when we do so.

Picture yourself driving a car with me in the passenger seat. You are in complete control of all of the knobs, buttons, the steering wheel, etc. except for one thing… I control the accelerator. Now, consider this–is the car in control or completely out of your control as we drive? How would you explain to the nice police officer that eventually pulls you over that the car was pretty much, kind of or partially under control?

The fact that the secondary world is completely beyond our ability to control it is not a comfortable, warm and fuzzy thought for most of us. But as soon as we totally understand and accept this reality then we have taken the first step toward learning how to be a very powerful force in our respective secondary worlds. You see, it is an out of control world, yet while we have no control over it, we definitely have power in it.

The problem is every time we confuse ourselves by thinking we can control our secondary worlds, we actually start trying to. This is where most of our frustrations begin and a whole lot of our energy begins to get wasted.

Instead we need to bring our energy to that which we can control…ourselves. When we do so, we can start to realize that while we can’t control the secondary world we can influence it. And the less we try to control it, the more powerful our influence can become. This is the key to how one can lead an organization, process or movement that they can’t control. Great leaders know that the real power of influence is all they need.

Joseph Campbell said it best. “The world is a mess. It has always been a mess. It is not ours to fix it.” It is, however, the leader’s job to influence their part of the world as best they can in order to help create a better world.

Today’s CASE professional lives in an out of control world for sure. But each and every one of you has the ability to lead — from wherever you are, whenever you can– by positively influence what’s happening. It’s not an easy responsibility for the average person, but then again, I haven’t met a CASE professional whom I would consider merely an “average” person, let alone a person who tends to shy away from difficult challenges.

I have the honor of being chosen as one of your keynote presenters at your conference in Myrtle Beach this coming November. The theme for the conference is, “Leading Edge to Data Driven Decision Making.”

Knowing how to analyze and utilize data is an essential tool for effective leadership. I’m told that there will be a number of concurrent sessions during your conference that will help your members find out what data is relevant as well as how that data can be accessed and utilized to help you make good leadership decisions and lead more effectively.

For my part, I will talk about leadership and how leaders can most effectively make use of data. You can count on hearing that all information isn’t necessarily data and that all data isn’t necessarily relevant. I’ll also be letting you know how to know the difference between good, solid data and mere information, and how leaders make data relevant in order to influence others and help drive processes and objectives.

In the out of control, information overloaded, over-governed, under-funded world of special education, this year’s conference promises to be chock full of the exact kind of information that will help you find more power in your respective out of control world. I’m looking forward to seeing you there and to helping you be the best leaders you can be in the important work that you do.

By: Joe Caruso, Caruso Leadership Institute – www.carusoleadership.com